Driving thoughts - Gratitudes at the end of the Baby Tour

Have I told you how I find myself immersed in gratitude as I drive? It’s too often for it not to be worth mentioning again and again.

I am immensely proud of my children and the adults they have become and the lives they have made and continue to make. Driving gives me time to think about this stuff and relish my joy.

I am over the top over my grandkids. WOW!!! I don’t feel old at all, but I see this expanding legacy and I just feel pride. Driving gives me the time to feel proud.

I have a great group of friends who surround me with love and appreciation for me. I have extended family that embrace me. Cousins who make me feel like I still have siblings despite my brother’s untimely death. Aunts and Uncles who love me like parents. I knew my great grandparents until I was 12 and relished how they loved seeing me. I was blessed that at least two of my grandparents lived to see my boys so they also got to know how a great grandparent loves their family. My parents love has always been right there, and I was blessed to have lots of time with my dad before he died and to still have my mom here to share life. Driving gives me time to feel loved.

Despite putting my family through a lot of pain and turmoil, my coming out has been OK. Everyone survived and seems to be thriving. I am happier than I ever thought I might be allowed to be. Long, long ago, when I thought about who I am, who I really am, I recoiled. When I was in my teens and thought about my options, I imagined being banished… hated and alone. Any subsequent thoughts through the years only intensified those fears. I had an amazing life with a wonderful woman and beautiful kids. Life was perfect, except that it wasn’t. I can’t regret any choices I made… and I don’t. But here I am now, a proud and out gay man. I feel so lucky that I have a family and a group of friends that was ultimately accepting rather than rejecting. Driving gives me time to feel lucky.

I have been lucky in business too. Nothing was ever easy, but I always made it work. I worked super hard and was lucky to have associates who recognized and appreciated it. I only had four real jobs in my adulthood and did well in each (some better than others, but hey…). I have worked with people who I really enjoyed. I have learned from people I worked for and who worked for me. To tell you the truth, I never imagined that I would be able to afford the life I wanted but I was determined to do everything I could to get there. I am sure other paths might have been more successful or maybe even more fun… but let me tell you I had a lot of fun doing what I did. Sometimes it was really scary… but ask the folks I work with and they will tell you that I enjoyed what I did. Driving gives me time to feel grateful for that joy and for the success that accompanied it.

So after Camp Buckwood it was time to head home. I’ve been heading that way for a while now… since leaving Albuquerque. The beginning of his trip was driving south down with stops in Georgia, Charlotte and Savanna. Then it was onto Florida and over New Orleans, Texas etc.

The drive from Pennsylvania to Florida is a familiar one and the changes in landscape were familiar - very familiar, so nothing really noteworthy. The drive west, with transitions from lush green deciduous trees to pinetrees, cactuses (cactai?) and sage brush did feel unique. Of course I was aware of the changes, and I may have even written about some of them, but it all felt, well, “right.” I was enjoying those transitions and enjoying the landscapes. For the most part, the weather had been quite lovely. Super hot in the most southern regions, and pleasantly hot as I moved north and west toward Albuquerque. The Ozarks were warm and super breezy but still lovely.

So it felt particularly noteworthy when I was driving north and east, that all of a sudden it felt damp and dreary. I think this was part of why I skipped St. Louis also… the weather just didn’t feel like touristy, see-the-sights weather. For some reason, in my head, it felt like the trip South, and then West and Northwest, was all bright and sunshiny and now I was heading home and it was anything but. The good news is that this made me realize how much I was enjoying being on the road and seeing new sights and experiencing the people I’ve met along the way. The bad news is I really didn’t want to go home… even though I was super excited and anxious to see my family and friends.

Hmmmm… Just interesting thoughts as I put the miles beneath me and moved east word again.